HITS Palm Sptings! The very first triathlon completed!

Last Sunday was a big day, my very first triathlon! The training leading up to the event was not heavy by any means, but was fairly frequent, so i was anxiously waiting for the day to measure my progress. The weekend prior Carlos and i drove down there to check out the bike course, and found it to be an easy flat 12.6 miles. At that time i thought this tri would be a piece of cake!

But... little did i know that in just one week the weather would drastically change from pleasant 50s at night low 70s in the day, to treacherous low 30s at night with min 50s during the day, and along with the weather, the water temperature would fall into the torture zone of mid to upper 50s. The whole week now was dedicated to researching a way to deal with the freezing swim. I was reading all kids of tips, we rushed to acquire some swim caps and socks. Most tips spoke of gradual acclimation, which we didn't have any time for. So, we figured we will try to employ all the best tactics and hope we would handle it. On Friday before the race, i put some water with ice in the bowl measuring the temperature with a thermometer. I tried to hold my face under water, but it burned so much that after about 20 seconds i had to take it out... When i shared these experiments with Nick and Kenia, i am sure they thought i was pretty nuts. But being an over-preparer and over-planner by nature, this was quite reasonable to me. Carlos got a little testy with me over "all the hysteria", so i kept the rest of the "drama" to myself. This was definitely the race to win over cold!!
On Saturday morning, after grabbing the last minute items at the Tri Lab, we headed down to La Quinta. Unlike the previous weekend, the traffic in both directions was minimal and we arrived in no time. Since there were races taking place on Saturday at the Cahuilla lake for longer distances, i wanted to head straight down there to pick up our packet. Carlos had a bright idea to check in first. I had a reservation via Hotwire at the Embassy Suits, but when we arrived the hotel front desk didn't have our reservation, and it took them a while to straighten out the issue, which they finally did, and we were placed in the very last room available. So, i was very happy that i have listened to my husband, once again, and took notice to re-confirm all future Hotwire reservations to avoid this issue in the future.
Once we made it down to the lake, the atmosphere was festive, but the lake looked brrrrrr cold!
I had plenty of strategies to implement the following morning, so i felt i was ready for all that and more! My hyper mood was taking a toll on my poor husband, so i allowed myself to chill out with some gin with our dinner at the pizza place close to the hotel. We relaxed for a bit, then headed to the room to get organized before the big day. Shortly Nick and Kenia called wanting to get together for dinner, and so we came out and joined them for a short hour. There was still so much to do to get ready! Back at the hotel i laid out my gear and prepared my transition bag. We applied our race tattoos - 573 was mine, Carlos was 570. I set out all three water bottles that i was going to use to fill with hot water to be taken to the race and poured down my wetsuit right before start time. This was a recommendation that i have read about (hey, it is the same principle as peeing in the wetsuit, but since you can't pee upwards, this works better!). Then i pre-mixed our Perpetuem, which tasted surprisingly non-icky and mild. I set myself up with 1 magnesium, 1 zyrtec, and 1 l-tyrosine for the morning, set my alarm for 4:15 and went to sleep. I had my mind set on waking up at 4 am to give myself plenty of time to suit up and get ready, and so sharply at 4 am my eyes opened, and i have started my day.

The race start was scheduled at 7 am and we decided to leave the hotel by 5:15 to make sure we can park comfortably and get a good transition spot. My plan was to put on my wetsuit at the hotel, before heading out, because it takes me a while to do it, i wanted to make sure i am not all stressed out squeezing into it right before the race. It turned out to be a semi-good idea, - the downside was that by 7am i was literally hurting in my bladder. I think i won't do this to myself next time, and will find a way to suit up at the site like all the "normal" people. Perhaps practicing putting on the wetsuit would help.
When we got to the lake, we saw that the transition spots were already numbered, so there was not much to do but stay warm in the car and chill, which i did, while Carlos was putting on his wetsuit. It was still dark, but the sunrise was coming soon. When we walked back to the transition area, we barely had enough time to put on our caps, and were chased out to the start line. Note to self -- get to the transition a little earlier, so not to feel rushed at any point.  At the start, they explained to us that this would be a water-start.

I poured my bottles of hot water into the suit, it felt nice and warm. But then I wanted to get my face acclimated to the water, so i went in half-ways and put my face under. This was ok, but the warmth was promptly replaced (mixed with) the cold water, and when i came out (which was required), i felt my feet were already freezing and it was getting uncomfortable. Note to self -- next time avoid getting into the water prior to the start all all, if water is cold. Men started 3 min earlier, then it was our turn. We lined up in the water. I chose to be at the end of the pack, counting on being one of the slowest, and not wanting to get in the way of the better athletes. Boy, this was a mistake! Upon the start, as i was trying to swim, there were people in front of me doing all kinds of things: floating on their back, swimming sideways, just standing up and running.

One person was sharing their leg trying to remove a broken sock, as they were swimming across toward the shore. This is the point at which i got whacked in the temple, which was less than fun...Note to self: line up more toward the middle of the pack. The water felt cold, but it was more of a problem to be fighting this mess of bodies in the water. I had trouble keeping direction too, going more to the left, needing to sight more than necessary to keep the line. Sighting was also not seamless and did enterrupt my rhythm. Note to self: practice seamless sighting. By the time i was in my rhythm, i was already close to the finish line. I ran out of the water, noticing that i can not feel my toes. I am glad i read about it before, so i was expecting it. At the transition i prepared myself to wear a layer and a windbreaker, but it didn't feel that cold, so i skipped a layer, but did add pants (although perhaps more for esthetics than cold. I fiddled with taking my garmin off, taking off the wetsuit, putting gramin back on. I couldn't find my sunglasses for a while, even though i thought i had placed everything per directions. Note to self: put glasses into the helmet. I took off on the bike. It felt cold, so i was glad i was wearing a jacket. I started paddling at a steady pace, and felt good, ready for the long ride. I was glad i rode this course the weekend before, and knew what to expect, and how far i am. Having a watch that tells distance also made it easier- i felt i was in control of my energy conservation. And, i like control. I was waiting to see Carlos, who was leaving for his bike while i was transitioning. So, toward mile 6 i saw him and that made me re-energized and happy. The last 6 miles had a bit of an incline, so they were harder, and i noticed my cardio go up. But i was still matching my pace to my breathing, trying to feel strong and steady. I also tried to eat a gel on the bike, but it felt too thick and too hard to swallow, so Note to self: take Perpetuem mix on the bike, instead of water and gel. I felt quite happy and exhilarated riding, looking around, feeling it all the way. Running transition was fast - i just took off my jacket and changed my shoes. My feet were still frozen numb, even though i have tried wiggling my toes on the bike, the circulation had not returned. I felt funny running on these funny feet. But, i am a crummy runner anyways, so it was probably just as good as it would have been on normal feet. Less that half way through the run, Kenia caught up to me, and passed me. She looked comfortable on the run, unlike me. I pretty much jogged the whole way. I didn't stop, but i didn't speed up. I felt if i just continue like this i would make it and it will be over. I really do not enjoy running.... Hind site: i need to push myself on the bike because my running would still be the same either way: no need to save energy for it.
Finish line was here before i knew it, and soon it was all over, and my neck was heavy with my first triathlon medal.

Everyone was talking, i was not in the mood. I had experienced the weirdest type of "down". I just wanted to be alone. Not sure what chemicals had ran out, but i was an anti-social mess, with everything pissing me off.  I was happy when Carlos suggested we go pack up our stuff. I was disappointed with myself for the mistakes that i made, i was wishing to have another chance, i was wishing to eat and take a shower. So, when the guys suggested a tamale festival in Indio, i was less than thrilled, but i went with it because i knew it was the proper thing to do. We went, Carlos gave me a pep talk about not being too critical of myself. I ate some tamales and a chelada and definitely felt better. Although i still wanted for all of this to be over, and to just be alone. It was weird how moody i got after such a high-producing event. I have to look that up to see how to prevent this in the future.
Overall, this was a nice beginning for my tri period of my life. I do wish to continue, and that is the most important part!

life is never easy

Life is never easy. As soon as you jump over one crevasse, there is always another one looming on the horizon. And, that's the best case scenario. In the worst case, you step on a patch of pretty green grass, it caves underneath you, revealing a giant whole. Then next moment you know is when you tumble down into the darkness head first. But, if you always anticipate the darkness, you'd step though life timidly, missing on the whole joy and vigor of the experience. My goal is to learn how to overcome life's difficulties with a smile on my face and without a dent on my heart.

Kinder, fist 1.5 month into it

So, the kid started kinder.
I was so very excited, before it actually happened. And then, like an old balloon drifting in the cold air, i deflated from my excitement.
Not that there is anything wrong with the school, but the amount of new information that is taught is considerably less that what i have grown accustomed to in pre-school. Sure, pre-school had a ton of play time, but during circle time, and project time they managed to cram a lot of new information, and reinforce it through repetition. May be our pre-school was unique. May be having a small class of decently-behaved children from nice families had helped. But, our school is a high-test score charter, so i figured we would have some knowledge bunging starting early on. Well...not so much. Not sure if i can attribute this to the normal 23 student class size, or to the fact that boys comprise 2/3 of our class, or that our teacher is not accustomed to teaching such young kids, but, Sari is not coming home with any new discoveries, skills or knowledge. She has the melodies of some German songs they are leaning down, but not the words. She plays with others, but no strong friendships so far. I have heard that some kids are still learning how to hold a pen correctly. I feel confused and slightly discouraged. I hope i see some learning soon, before i have to run out and start looking for another school possibility.

Day in a life

5:30am
Woke up, packed lunches, fed cats, started work. Took a break to put some squash to roast. Scooped the poop. Returned to work. Took a break to cook dinner, tidied-up the living room, continued working. Checked on bills and accounts. Took the kid to swim class, then home, finished and served dinner. Changed into my exercise gear and ran to the pool, swam 25 min hard, then ran back. Cold, hot, sweaty, icky. Took a shower, cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, washed dishes. Rinsed and hung all the swim clothing. Prepared kid's uniform for tomorrow.
10:00 pm
 Now time to chill...correction, sleep.

the old self me

After years of growing and forming, at some point we finally settle into our “comfortable self”. This usually happens at whatever age we become more of less content with who we are (or, lose hope completely of any major, even if much desired, change). We come to identify ourselves with whatever image this happens to be, and often remain in that self-identification for years to come, long after anyone else would be able to relate with the image we carry in our heads and hearts. The shift into a different identity is usually prompted by a major life event, sort of like a “bump to a new level”. But barring these major events, one can spend a lifetime in his/her old image, occasionally causing a true dissonance between the self-identification and identification by others.

to be continued....

thoughts on friends and family

Some people are fortunate enough to grow up in large families with multiple siblings growing up side by side, with rowdy slew of cousins living down the street, and another slew of cousins appearing for all major holidays, with aunties that come over to help your mother cook for these large gatherings, with uncles who help your dad fix that old water heater. It’s a community-type of living where everyone knows everyone, and is related by blood, customs, and shared experiences. The successes and failures are shared within the circle, but kept from “others”. I think people that grow up this way have a very strong sense of a family bond and view their blood connections above all others. They can be counted on to help even the most remote relative in need. The sense of friendships that they have learned from their parents were all within their family circle, with others viewed somewhat like an outsiders.

And then there are people like us, people from the former Soviet Union. Most of us grew up as an only child, with our parents being an only child as well. So, our family circles tended to by notoriously small, with just our grandparents, and a couple of twice-removed uncles and aunts, often scattered around multiple cities, and a cousin here and there, not necessarily of similar age group. So our micro-universes were comprised of mostly family friends: people that had a life-long connections with our parents. It was our mom’s friends who swoop in to help caring for a sick family member, or to help replace wallpaper, or to babysit.  It was our dad’s friends who spend hours in the cold trying to fix the inoperable family car, to find tickets for the children’s summer camp. Holidays, birthdays, summer vacations are spent with these circles of friends and their offspring. This is how we learned the value of friendship, - from our parents. This is how we came to understand that is it not blood that connects people, but shared experiences, common interests and common values. This is how we learned how to be a friend, how to lend yourself unconditionally to those people we have chosen to be a part of our micro-universes. Not much preference is given to the blood relation, and willingness to help depends on the closeness of friendship.

So, when the “big family” people speak to the “friends are my family” people, they have very different perspectives on the importance of family vs the importance of friends, on what it means to be related, and what it means to have a bond. They come to this subject from a completely different set of experiences, therefore in order to understand each other, somehow the above information has to be conveyed to avoid any misunderstandings.

Triathlon medal for Father's Day

I love that feeling that i get deep in my chest when i think about my Carlos. It's not just "love", it is a profound sense of amazement at all his virtues. He takes my breath away, not by free-flowing rush of hormones, like it happens in the teenage years, but by his qualities and his abilities, and his sheer guts to go for it!
This weekend was another demonstration of his gutsy young soul.
 
On Wednesday our lovely athlete friends texted us a gentle reminder of a triathlon in Big Bear that we have previously spoken about. Since i have not been training, and was in no condition to attempt it, i was intending to accompany them just to cheer. I love Big Bear, and either way, i didn't want to miss the opportunity to camp there, to sit among the pine trees and smell the pine needles, to listen to the crackles of the campfire and the view of the mountains and the lake. But secretly i was hoping that Carlos would attempt it. I held my breath and waited for his reply. To my amazement, he said he just registered and we are going!!!

So, having only two days to procure a wet suit and tri shorts, after work we rushed out to Tri Lab, hoping to either rent or buy. We bought Men's Rocket Science -- it was light, Carlos found it comfy.
On Friday night we made it to the campground by bed time, having suffered a minor fender-bender on the way. Our wonderful energetic friends were waiting for us, helped us set up and we went to sleep in anticipation of 5:30 am wake up.

In the morning, while Carlos went to register, i made everyone their oatmeal, quickly packed up, and we headed to the start line. Carlos looked nervous and excited. I was feeling anxious, proud, worried, jealous, -- a whole array of emotions. Kenia was calm and excited at the same time -- which is a unique combination of emotions, at least from my perspective. I would be totally freaking out...
At the start, Carlos swam out strong. Kenia is a hell of an athlete, but new to swimming. Carlos is a good swimmer but he never trained, practiced or swam long distance. Nick and i watched, waited and agonized. I wanted them to finish, i wished them to not drop out, and to be safe, and with energy to continue. Finally, after a long while, and after pulling out mu binoculars, i saw them, and they were coming in at the same time. Looked like Carlos had grabbed on to a floaty for a bit, but finished on his own. They transitioned to the bike, awkwardly pulling off their wet suits, and putting on socks. Now i knew they would both finish the race -- they could do it -- 19 mile bike course around the lake is something they have done here before, and running is something they can both do in their sleep. Carlos came in, and within minutes so did Kenia. On this transition i could see the exhaustion in their faces. I couldn't even imagine going to run 5K in this elevation, after biking 19 miles and swimming half a mile... I imagined myself in their place - i imagined how their legs were feeling and how their heart was beating hard enough to jump out of their chest. I thought -- i would be quitting right now, i would be thinking that for my first attempt at a triathlon i already did enough. But they didn't give up, they were off to their run. I thought to myself - "they are stronger than me, they are better than me - i will learn from them!". Keeping all these feelings inside, i continued to wait. Nick and i settled int our chairs and waited. We chatted about kayaks, races, diet. We relaxed and waited for them to return, to take the final finish line photos, to hug and scream in excitement. And then i saw the teal shirt with fluffy hair in the distance. It was Carlos!!!! His smile was ear to ear, and he was running leisurely. At this moment, i felt that he was just the most magnificent man on Earth!!!! He fished his first triathlon!!! He didn't train, and yet he didn't drop out, he didn't hurt himself -- he did it!!!! I was so happy and so proud. He was overcome with emotions, tears were running down his face. He was happy. They placed a medal around his neck. It was shining with his accomplishment. I was shining with pride. What an unforgettable day!!! This is the way to celebrate Father's Day -- by being the kind of father any daughter would be proud.

We celebrated at a local pizza place, then came back to our camp site to relax. It was a beautiful day! The sun was shining warm enough to cuddle us, but gentle enough not to burn.  Our camp side (#8) was set much further away into the woods than others, and the surroundings were quiet, so that we were listening to the chippers of birds, with no human voices around. This could be the perfect place to camp for mountain biking weekends, with Summit lifts right at the entrance and one of the downhill trails right behind us. The trouble, of course, is that it would have be to reserved 3 months in advance, like everything else. But, such is life in California, -- it does not take any spontaneity...

We told Sara about the race when we returned home. She listened, she paid attention, she asked questions. She couldn't imagine what all is involved, but she was proud of him. We showed her photos. She asked if he won. I talked about practicing, and trying, and being better and better each time - i said that was winning within itself. To me, Carlos won - he won my admiration and admiration of his daughter.

Memorial weekends

Last week Sara came from pre-school and told us that Memorial Day is coming, she said: "we must think about those people that fought and died for us". I'm happy she retains more and more of what is introduced to them in pre-school by their wonderful teacher Miss Patricia. She is a bright young lady, not yet jaded, not yet burned out by her profession. I am also happy that Sari is learning that our holidays are not just random reasons to stay home and bake cupcakes, but are reasons to remember and honor someone.

Carlos woke up early to make us our "flower breakfast". He made it for me the weekend prior, but wanted to surprise Sara with it. She is not as easily amused by pretty food, so she actually did some whining and complaining that its not syrniki or blinchiki, but after some adjustment she was able to appreciate the beauty of daddy's surpise.

So, after this glorious breakfast, we kicked off our weekend with the trip to Strawberry Festival at the Garden Grove. The festival has little to do with strawberries, despite the name. It is basically a standard fair and a carnival, with a small parade thrown in upfront. We ended up missing most of the parade. But the day was sunny and bright, and we felt happy to be embraced by the rays of summer.

 We went to this very same event last year, so we knew we needed to go for the wristband option for the unlimited number of "pukies and twirlies".This year was more of the same, with all the same rides. Sara is now 42.5 in, so technically she is old enough to ride all of these by herself, but she wanted me to accompany her, which i did gladly. I still love the sensation of being perpetually rotated, even though i do have to mind my tummy. I noticed as we walked around, she was holding my hand very tight, and even holding on to my bag when my hands were busy with something. This is definitely new, and hopefully is a phase. I don't want her to feel so insecure without us holding her hand, i wish for her to reach for more and more independence as she grows. For now, i rejoice that she is one of the kids smiling ear to ear on the "Jumping Froggy", and not one of the wimps crying to get off!

Daddy got very exhausted waiting for us and walking back and forth all day, since he doesn't ride. I imagine it was quite a bit boring for him, but he was a real trooper and let us hang out until almost 7pm.

On Sunday, after yummy blinchiki with cajeta and fruits, we departed for my favorite local town - Alamitos Bay. Kayaking the canals was our mission of the day. Last year we unsuccessfully attempted to rent a kayak, - they told us she had to be at least 4 years old and know how to swim in open waters. The second requirement is as ridiculous as unverifiable. I mean, what child would be ok to swim in open waters? As a matter of fact, how many adults would be ok to be swimming in open waters of the ocean? Anyways, they have their liability issues, i understand. Anyways, this time the guy started to tell us she had to be 8. When i reminded him of what i was told last year, he gave us the boat, and we paddled out. This was Sara's first time in a kayak. She asked about sharks, but seemed otherwise un-concerned. She looked around, asked to paddle for a moment, touched the water. And i just paddled and breathed the salty air, and rejoiced. Its been a while since i was able to feel the familiar ache in my back, and the smooth glide of the kayak in the water. Oh, how i've missed this!

Although the Californian sit-on-top models of kayaks are not nearly as smooth or pleasant to paddle as real kayaks, it is definitely still enjoyable. I was very happy to introduce my daughter to this passion on mine. I told her how i used to sit in the middle when my parents took me on trips, right around her age. She listened. We found and picked up a floating beach ball. Sari kept it. We paddled around Naples, then out to the end plaza. We docked for a little while to stretch our legs, and came back. Sara was itching to get into the water to go "swimming", so we stopped on the beach for a while, where Sara and i tried to hold our shivers and splash around for a few, while Carlos relaxed on the shore. This part of town always feels like a mini-vacation to me. It may be the look of the canals and small streets, or the half-naked strolling youth, or just the he vibe of the place, but it takes me away. Like a little port town, it seems exotic and fresh. The day ended at "Roe and Fish Market" restaurant in Long Beach, where we enjoyed some fabulous fried smelt, roe bowl, and tuna poke.

On Monday we played at home for a very long while, we threw beach ball to each other, we drew and cut out "food" from different colored construction paper and played restaurant. We goofed around, we laughed, we lived our weekend to the fullest. Then we went for a bike ride with stops at two playgrounds and came home to bake cupcakes.

A beautiful weekend, full of beautiful memories!

Building memories

Today i listened to an NPR program about human memory. Although i didn't learn anything new, it was definitely a reminder that our memory is reconstructive. This, in essence, means that we can control what type of memories we end up collecting as we go thought life, because we control what we put into our bank of precious moments. I would like to put every shiny moment in my memory piggy bank, because they make me feel richer, brighter, and more satisfied with my life. I'll also have to drop in there some of the not-so-pleasant memories that i deem to be necessary for their learning experience value, of course. But for the most part i will continue making an effort to treasure my life, to remember, to appreciate.

This week's memory bank items shell be:

On Tuesday Sara started her swimming lessons. She did great, although she said she didn't like going under water. The teacher was an older Russian woman, and she seemed very good at teaching and staying calm and positive, which is exactly what we need. I hope Sara will progress nicely. They assigned her to level 2, orange cap. I hope by the end of the summer she can float comfortably on her back.

Sara has shared with us yesterday that although her and her pre-school friend Michelle kiss on the cheek, with her friend Nathan they used to kiss on the lips. And they still do, but only once in a while now. I thought "oh-oh...its starting already!" It made me smile. How wonderful it is that she enjoys her school mates, and how much i wish for her to continue encountering people in her life that would make her feel good about being around them.

 We went to have dinner at the Farmer's Market last night. I remembered the very first time Carlos and i were there, on our date, in the morning after the Bunbury concert Nov 5, 2009. I remember where we sat, what we talked about, how i felt that day (i was so shaken up, i was running a fever). I think we have come so far from that moment, and for all of its excitement, i so much appreciate the bond that we have today. Love is everything.

Summer, baseball, us

"Summer is here, summer is here!" twitted birds everywhere. No, really, they did.
This week we had two 90+ degree days for the first time this year.
Last weekend was Mother's day. I was hoping to continue with our tradition of going to Ventura to fly a kite and have a picnic, but Sari wished to go to the beach, and since it was warm enough for the first time this season, we agreed.

First, there was Saturday. While dining on a delicious Einstein Bagel, Carlos came up with a fabulous idea of going to a baseball game to see Dodgers. After fiddling around with iPhone apps, we got our tickets, and after a short picnic at the LaBrea Pits, and a quick shower at home, we headed to the game. This was going to be the very first experience for Sara. She was in attendance of a soccer game last season, but never a baseball. Right away we gave her the highlights of the upcoming evening: there will be popcorn and ice cream. That seemed to be worth the long drive in traffic, and a walk from parking to the stadium. We got a bunch of snacks and settled for a game. Sara asked a few questions, but definitely the game itself lacked the pace or the excitement to keep her interest. Plus, we were sitting pretty high up. But she enjoyed watching the crowd on the big screen, and especially lots of doggies (it so happens that this was a "bring your dog to the game" day, so one whole section of people were with their animals, which were constantly showed on the screen). She also enjoyed listening to the conversation of two pre-teens sitting a row above us and intensely watching the game. She didn't really get squirmy until it was passed her bedtime, and she ate enough popcorn, ice cream, and pretzel to loose interest in it, so only for the last couple of innings she was inquiring when we could leave. So, i'd say it was a successful outing overall.

But that brings me to talk about baseball.
I always hated baseball. I was not familiar with it in my early years, since it is absent from the Russian culture, so i only encountered it in the US on the TV screen, or watched some amatures at local park as i was in passing. My perception was that the game was something very slow, not very athletic, and had ugly uniforms. I never had actually gone to a baseball park, since i saw no point in it. But i was a young woman, not weighted down by obligation and with disposable time and income. Now things are different: i am a busy mom and wife, i am constantly in a rush, not much downtime, and not much extra money to blow. So, my appreciation for baseball came from a different place. Of course, the beginning was that my husband loved it, so he was able to explain to me what is going on. But, the essence of my appreciation for it is different. I do not enjoy it as a "game", like soccer or hockey or basketball, i do not watch it with full attention, on the edge of my seat, because that is just not what baseball is all about to me. I view it as a pass-time, rather than a sport. It is the perfect downtime for the busy moms and dads with their little children. It is 3 hours of sitting outside, breathing air, having your children being completely occupied with watching other children, the screen, or their own popcorn. It is the announcers silly participation items that brake up the pace. It is the cold beer in my hand that i can slowly sip. There is no place to go, there is nothing to do. Snacks are here. Weather is sunny and warm, you can talk to each other, and no one would be disturbed. You can stay silent, and no one would be offended. You can glance at the field at your leisure, or just breath and live this day. This is how i like my baseball.

I will not compete

Competition is a rush, its excitement, it makes you forget about everything else, it is both exhausting and rejuvenating at the same time. It requires the type of single-mindedness that is able to take any pain away. But, at this juncture of my life,

I will not compete.

In this fast world of constant tug of war, I will force myself to slow down to experience my moments. I will stop comparing myself to others who can run faster, look slimmer, bake yummier, and parent calmer. I will always try to learn from them, but I will remain to be myself, embracing my imperfections and allowing time to fine-tune the rough edges, while working on personal goals, one day at a time. I believe this approach will make me a better person, a better wife, and a better parent.

I will not push my daughter to compete.

I will rejoice at my daughter’s accomplishments, encourage bravery, and praise effort, but I will not get stuck measuring her to others. I will continue to teach her how to be kind, how to be truly happy on the inside, and how to work hard. I will nurture her interests, I will speak frankly and openly about “the facts of real life”. I believe this will do more for her future than development of a competitive nature, or any “push for success”.

Those are my thoughts of the day…

Let NOTHING overshadow our present moment

Ever since becoming a parent, i tend to think about future in terms of life stages of my daughter. I dream about helping her do her homework, cheering her on the soccer field, attending her recitals. I picture myself being a super-involved school-mom, driving her from school to some extracurricular practice. I think about all the conversations we will be able to have. I fantasize about the times when she will have her own distinct music interests, and how i will do everything to share them. I can see us running to concerts and shows together. I look forward to helping her through the inevitable teenage angst, sharing my own experiences without being preachy or overbearing. I visualize her as a young lady, smart and accomplished. I imagine spending Saturday afternoon shopping for high-heal shoes together, family hiking trips, and all the times in between. I wonder what it would be like to hold her baby - my own grandchild. I wish for all of these things to come. But, i also now realize, i must not rush time. As beautiful as the future will be, the present is much more precious and must be appreciated. Now our daughter may be still little, but my husband and i both have our youth, our physical abilities, our fresh, still hormonal, feelings toward each other. In the future, when all those things i dream of will start coming true, other things that we now take for granted will surely be lost. As our daughter gains her abilities, we slowly loose ours -- this is nature. When she is old enough to go dancing for 10 hours in 90 degree weather at a music festival, i may not have the lungs to suffer through an hour. When she starts making her own salsa, i may not have the stomach to handle the chilies. In a time when she wishes to run a marathon together, my knees may not be up to the task. So, if i live in anticipation of the future, i will end up with regrets about the past, nostalgic about things lost. Therefore, i must constantly remind myself: "Let NOTHING overshadow our present moment." There is, truly, no time like the present. So, lets enjoy NOW to the fullest, at every stage of our lives, and take things as a package, those things that we have and those that we yet do not.

Grandparents were here!

We surely had some busy weeks behind us! Grandma and grandpa just departed, after a 10 day stay here. They were on the way back from skiing in Salt Lake City, and grandpa was really excited about the possibility of moving there, while this very idea was irritating to no end to grandma. I think their entire visit had a little bit of this controversial vibe to it.
I was relived that Sari met them with so much affection and no apprehension, even though we were not very good about maintaining Skype communications in their absence. (Its not that we don't like Skype, its just that we have pretty busy evenings, and may be not so much to chat about over the phone, so we get a bit lazy and wrapped up in our own stuff). But the silver lining was that they were able to see Sara after so much time away and be surprised and amazed about how much she had grown up, how much more mature she is, and how positive and fun of a person she is becoming. Especially my mother was pointing out the difference between Sari's reactions to things back then and her reactions now. I felt so proud of Sara and her grown up ways!
While they were here, grandpa went with me to pick her up from school on the first day. He wore and helmet and skiing goggles to preschool! No, i don't know why. I think he wished to be funny and amusing, but i am actually not sure of the effect this was having on Sara's classmates...Although it may be ok now, i am sure in a few years she wouldn't be amused by such antics, but probably rather embarrassed, but for now it was all in good fun.
During this visit my father brought my baby video, and he was really anxious to show it to Sari. She watched with attention, but i think liked the music the most. Or, may be she liked the graduation video that followed. I think we shell re-play this at a later date for more entertainment.
We only ended up with one Saturday all together, so we went to the zoo, and all enjoyed this visit. Again, just like a year before, they brought out the live bunnies for petting, and had bunny ears craft. Its sort of nice to do the same event once a year, because it really highlights the growing maturity and understanding. I enjoy so much seeing how Sara develops, how she is becoming wiser every day, more positive every day, more interesting as a person, with her own ideas. I can't wait to see more. If someone would ask me, which is the favorite age, i would not hesitate to answer "this one, right now!".