These are interesting days. Sara is asking a lot of questions, although she doesn't always have the patience to listen to the answers. This totally saves us from having some of the conversations we are not quite ready to have, and allows us to think about the answers. If she asked it once, she will ask it again, and, chances are, we will be prepared to answer.
On one of our long drives to somewhere, we passed Beverly Hills court house, and C pointed out to her "Julie and i got married there". She asked: "Why did you get married?" and then "Where was i then?" We told her we got married because we loved each other and wanted to be a family, and that she was close by, really close. That satisfied her for now, but, we have to be prepared for more, that's for sure!
We also have been hearing some funny quotes and conclusions from her. When C was taking his AutoCAD class this week, he told her he is going to school. She asked "So, if you are going to school now, are you turning into a kid?" C replied, "i wish" :)
Another little line that always amuses me is when she reminisces: "when i used to be a boy, i watched Tomas the Train". Or, "when i used to be a little squirrel, i used to eat acorns".
She also enjoys hearing stories about what she used to do when she was a baby. If i start remembering something, she will always ask for more: "and what else did i do?" We can go on for a while telling stories about her being a baby. I don't remember ever being interested in my own baby stage, and actually got a little annoyed when my mom tried to share those memories with me. So, this is really surprising for me to hear. Another thing that i understood: the reason why parents sometimes enjoy talking to their kids about those times, it is not because a baby stage was so pleasant or exciting, but it is because it coincided with the time of their lives when they were young, newly married, full of illusions and hopes, a beautiful time to be treasured. Now i can relate....It is funny how many things we can relate to once we go through similar experiences...I only wish that this body of knowledge could be useful to someone. We gain wisdom we can't make use of ourselves, so we have to find a way to pass it to the next generation somehow. I will be trying.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
on tolerating people
luckily, years bring not only wrinkles, aches and pains and loss of muscle mass, but also certain amount of insight and some wisdom. As i examine my face in the mirror and find permanent traces of my past emotions engraved on my skin, i also realize that they are connected to some important life realizations that i would not like to give back for anything, not even for flawless skin of a 20 year old. One of these realization is that, just like everything else in life, human character is a package. Every virtue has its counter weighing flaw. Every aspect of one's personality that we enjoy arises out of his/hers personality structure that will also cause some characteristics that we don't particularly appreciate. For instance, there can not be a 'laid-back' person who gets things done immediately. If we enjoy them being laid-back, we must accept that they will also take leisurely attitude about urgent matters. If we enjoy someone's social friendliness, we must expect that person to keep multiple social connections with many people. So, when seeing someone's virtue, we must think what personality attribute it is connected to, in order to be able to "preview" the flaws that are caused by it. We can apply the same principle when being annoyed by someone's personality trait, by looking at the positive aspects that this trait is likely to bring.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Sari's big 4
Sari turned 4! it was a big deal for me, since this is the first birthday that she will actually remember, or, at least may remember. I really wanted her to have what other kids have -- a big party with a bunch of other kids, a big cake, people singing, and general feeling of joy. The challenge was to provide all this without having any access to any friends or family. It was a tall order, but i figured that a per-school friends plus a jumper in a nearby park would be a good. About a month before the party i reserved a picnic area, i ordered a mermaid jumper and a bubble machine, and put together a flyer, that was originally meant to be an invitation card. Carlos found the graphics to be too pixilated to print, so he ended up re-designing it and printing it just a couple of weeks prior to the party date. As we were handing out the flyers and not getting any RSVPs that i asked for, i started to get really concerned: "would anyone actually show up? what if they don't? what will we do? how to get people to come?" We brainstormed some ideas, but Carlos just ended up doing what he does best - being a friendly people-person, he just started talking to other parents, and we ended up with a full attendance. Sari new she was going to have a party and she was pretty excited. I was a nervous wreck - my first attempt at hosting a big kid event. The night before we stopped at Costco and bought some "industrial quantity" snacks. Of course, i had all of these ideas about the little things i could make myself easily, but Carlos really felt we should skip the effort and give people something they will know and feel comfortable eating - the basic things. We ended up with hotdogs, veggie dogs and chicken&spinach sausages for the kids, as well as meat and cheese tray and veggie tray. I went to the park early to meet the jumper installer, and had a chance to decorate the picnic area a little.
When everyone started to show up, i felt a sense of relief, i knew i could give Sari the party she could remember with warm feelings later, a party of her and her friends!
While Carlos labored at the grill, i preoccupied myself with making sure no adult felt left out or ignored. I chit-chatted with whoever looked like they needed it, and got to know the parents in the process. This preschool is really unique in the way that all the kids come from very nice and completely international homes. Momo comes from China, Michelle's mother from Indonesia and father from Peru, the little twins Bryan and ? have a French father and mother is from Lebanon, Dillon's parents from french Caribbean island, Bradley from Guatemala, Nathan is American, Nishant is Indian, Krista is from German mom and South American dad, and the list goes on. Carlos hooked up the princess pinata with this super mechanism of a rope and a pulley suspended between two trees, and coordinated the kids for pinata activity. It was super cute how they all listened well to instructions, and how they then swung as hard as they could at that thing. What fun!
It was nice to see this great mix of people and a great mix of kids all having fun. Sari's birthday was a success! She got a boat load of presents too, which i did not expect, but Sari was delighted opening all the stuff when we got home. Grandma gave her a Mermaid costume, well, actually, a Mermaid skirt, and i made the bra part of it. Sari has been dressing herself in that costume every day for 2 weeks straight. She loved it so much, she even showed the initiative to wash it herself, when i pointed out that it was dirty. Zhanna sent legos of a stage and cafe station with two girls. Sari wanted to put it together straight away, so Carlos supervised that effort. She played the 'show' with it for several days after, which i found really fun and imaginative, since she was drawing on her memories of a circus performance that we went to watch with my parents when they were here in July. She also played with many of her puzzles that she likes very much, although she is not really quite getting the method for putting it together yet, i am sure once she figures it out, she will be unstoppable. I love the jigsaw puzzles myself, so i can really relate. The only thing that i did not accomplish is the whole donation thing. I was going to get Sari to pick the old toys she no longer plays with to be donated. I want to teach her charity, sharing, and also to remove clutter -- many lessons at once. But we got so very busy and didn't get the moment. Now i think i may do it before the winter holidays.
She has really grown and matured so very much since the beginning of the year. She has the level of comprehension about more complicated topics, she is firmly grounded in reality - she knows what may be real and what has to be pretend. Sometimes i wish she believed more in the miraculous impossible, the american kid stuff, but she is more like me - she is practical in many ways. Its nice to see yourself in your child, it gives such a feeling of continuity -- "whatever i don't get done on this earth she will finish for me". And, it gives me so much hope for the future! Although, i really hope that for the next birthday we would have people that we know well enough to call on the phone to invite to a party :)
When everyone started to show up, i felt a sense of relief, i knew i could give Sari the party she could remember with warm feelings later, a party of her and her friends!
While Carlos labored at the grill, i preoccupied myself with making sure no adult felt left out or ignored. I chit-chatted with whoever looked like they needed it, and got to know the parents in the process. This preschool is really unique in the way that all the kids come from very nice and completely international homes. Momo comes from China, Michelle's mother from Indonesia and father from Peru, the little twins Bryan and ? have a French father and mother is from Lebanon, Dillon's parents from french Caribbean island, Bradley from Guatemala, Nathan is American, Nishant is Indian, Krista is from German mom and South American dad, and the list goes on. Carlos hooked up the princess pinata with this super mechanism of a rope and a pulley suspended between two trees, and coordinated the kids for pinata activity. It was super cute how they all listened well to instructions, and how they then swung as hard as they could at that thing. What fun!
It was nice to see this great mix of people and a great mix of kids all having fun. Sari's birthday was a success! She got a boat load of presents too, which i did not expect, but Sari was delighted opening all the stuff when we got home. Grandma gave her a Mermaid costume, well, actually, a Mermaid skirt, and i made the bra part of it. Sari has been dressing herself in that costume every day for 2 weeks straight. She loved it so much, she even showed the initiative to wash it herself, when i pointed out that it was dirty. Zhanna sent legos of a stage and cafe station with two girls. Sari wanted to put it together straight away, so Carlos supervised that effort. She played the 'show' with it for several days after, which i found really fun and imaginative, since she was drawing on her memories of a circus performance that we went to watch with my parents when they were here in July. She also played with many of her puzzles that she likes very much, although she is not really quite getting the method for putting it together yet, i am sure once she figures it out, she will be unstoppable. I love the jigsaw puzzles myself, so i can really relate. The only thing that i did not accomplish is the whole donation thing. I was going to get Sari to pick the old toys she no longer plays with to be donated. I want to teach her charity, sharing, and also to remove clutter -- many lessons at once. But we got so very busy and didn't get the moment. Now i think i may do it before the winter holidays.
She has really grown and matured so very much since the beginning of the year. She has the level of comprehension about more complicated topics, she is firmly grounded in reality - she knows what may be real and what has to be pretend. Sometimes i wish she believed more in the miraculous impossible, the american kid stuff, but she is more like me - she is practical in many ways. Its nice to see yourself in your child, it gives such a feeling of continuity -- "whatever i don't get done on this earth she will finish for me". And, it gives me so much hope for the future! Although, i really hope that for the next birthday we would have people that we know well enough to call on the phone to invite to a party :)
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