About to turn 44 and I feel that things that I thought would
never change did, in fact, change. I no longer seek fun new experiences the way that I used to. I
feel too old for Burning Man, for out of town music festivals, for any prolonged
gathering of intoxicated obnoxious happy young people. It’s not that I consider
the subject matter boring, on the contrary, if given a possibility of a
drone-view attendance, I’d happily join the fun. But now I find myself truly objecting
to being shoved, pushed, sneezed on, and otherwise affected by the “under-the-influence”
happy majority that these events gather. I no longer wish to come out of my comfort
zone, to get lost in the crowd, to disregard the annoyances as I submerge
myself in the environment. This realization makes me a little sad. It means
that by the time my daughter is old enough to enjoy these events for the first
time, I would not be able to show her the way, share the moment, or vicariously
live through her. It also means that I cannot take my husband to show him the
joys of my once vigorous youth. But, I suppose, this happens to everyone, and I
should feel grateful that my zest for vigor at least lasted all the way through
my thirties..
