So, this week is a big 'falalalala' week: its 3 years since Carlos came to pick me up in Michigan and drive me to LA to begin our 'happily ever after'. So, it is a week of reflections and memories. With much tenderness i remember those sensitive beginnings, and with much joy i acknowledge the happiness of the present day. We have had so many difficulties along the way, and i am so proud to say that we overcame so much to build our wonderful family, to build it happy and strong, secure and structured. I have been truly "on the wings of love" for the past few weeks - feeling so passionately in love with C and feeling content about S. She has been behaving very well, and displaying some maturity, which i welcome.
Among the shake-ups in our lives, we have experienced a bit of a financial uncertainty due to the long list of expenses that seem to be occurring all at the same time. Our new apartment is definitely more convenient, but $1550 per month is still quite taxing on our economy, considering the recent Mammoth Mountain vacation expenses and incoming tax bill that is quite larger than i had expected, not to mention outstanding medical bills remaining from C's appendix surgery, and the legal fees we payed for the custody paperwork. So, "when it rains, it pours", of course, its all at the same time, and i feel worried and anxious about our finances. C did a great thing, finally able to reduce K's rent payment in half, and this at least allows us to continue paying our bills. We had fantasized about a vacation in Barcelona, but its just a delusion for now. We have to pay off all outstanding bills and pay taxes before we could even dream about any vacation plans. My parents are coming at the end of March, so that would probably be the most entertainment we could afford for now.
Today is a nerve-racking day, C is at the court house all day, trying to get the judge to formalized our current arrangement. I am frozen in time, waiting for his call. It has been going on for almost two hours and i am expecting a call any moment. This call will decide what happens next. I am determined to do everything in my power to give my child the best possible opportunity at a nice future, and a happy home, and i strongly believe that our home is the place that is best for that. I love her so very much, and i am worried that the rights of some people may be more important to the court than the objective future of my child. I wish i could have been there, but C thought it was best for me to stay home, so i respected his wishes, of course. But my heart is there, in that room, trying to send good vibes, trying to wish that the universe would take care of our family and let us be. Waiting is the hardest things....
Tonight i will unwind with a beer or 3. Last night we shared a bottle of wine and i didn't even feel any effect - that is definitely stress. I need to breath out. Come on C, call me already, please.
