There are so many things to write about: daily struggles, adventures, parenting successes, memorable moments that slip away from us as the time flows. But finding the moment to write is always a challenge. And not only that, finding the courage to think deeply about the experiences is also a challenge. It is so much easier to forget the unpleasant, to shower in little joys, and to just tune out and sleepwalk through reality. But then, at the end, or even years down the road, what do we have left? The only way to preserve life is to commit memories to paper, or, "not paper".
So its 2016.
What was most memorable in 2015? Not in any particular order, the following moments stay with me:
1) gymnastics competitions for Sara's level 2 team were the cornerstone of our schedule, taking place almost every other week. It was a tense affair due to the combination of family members in attendance. I struggled to keep the stress levels from taking over the joyfulness of the occasion.
2) second grade was going smoothly most of the fall and winter. There wasn't much homework, and most of the material seemed to be somewhat of a review from 1st grade. Still, with the scheduling change for gymnastics training, it is now challenging to have enough time allocated for homework.
3) Xenka got diagnosed with kidney impaired function, and now is on low protein food and blood pressure meds. I cannot come to terms with her aging. I need her to be with me forever. I just need her.
4) Thanksgiving was funny. In the middle of "nowhere good" staying in the weirdly themed motel, bringing the whole thanksgiving feast with us and eating it late into the night by a fire pit, under the drizzling rain with Lisa and her school people was no doubt a memorable experience. Watching grown man act so fret party-like was slightly amusing as well, although they seemed to have been slightly embarrassed the next morning.
5) Riding the 50 mile course of Tour De Big Bear for the first time was fun. Training for it and feeling fully capable and not at all intimidated was nice. Staying in a cute house in Moonridge area was nice too. It was a good choice via Air BnB, although we didn't have much time to enjoy the house, or the lovely patio. I would love to come back there to drink coffee and read a book. Must remember the address... I drove up with Nick and Kenia, which was good, because it allowed Carlos to talk to Chis and Pablo. I think there is more of a quality interaction that takes place between them when i am not around, as would be with any family members. I was proud of them for making it out there, especially Pablo, riding after his knee injury. Chris did great too. He only trained on his fixie, so i am sure this was quite a different experience. I think Carlos felt very good having his family crew together. I also thought it was nice, although definitely complicated the logistics. Sometimes i miss the peaceful trips of just the two of us, just my other half and i. Other times i wish we had our own tribe. I don't know what kind of a tribe would feel the least overwhelming... Perhaps a tribe that contains multiple capable women to help me with taking care of all of the dudes, lol. Men are a lot of work.
6) Chris also started snowboarding in March of 2015 and continued in the winter. He seems to enjoy it very much. And, with Nick's equipment in hand, he can now really excel at it. I also got Kenia's board and had a chance to come out and snowboard for the first time in many years. I definitely would like to keep up the practice, since i enjoy it immensely. We just need longer winter and more time to do it.
7) Hanukkah was very vigorous this year. We exchanged presents daily! (Although my parents did not come to visit us until it was already over, which was a bummer. ) Also, in Sara's school they were learning about different holidays, and Hanukkah was on the agenda, with books, presentations, and even latki that i got to make and bring to school. It felt as if i was having "my holiday" validated in her eyes via her school. I know, weird feeling. I struggle with Jewish holidays so much. On one hand, i really feel they are important, and should be passed on to Sara as a tradition. On another hand, i feel fake trying to pass on something that was never a tradition to us, the Soviet household of secular Jews. It is also hard because i have no model to copy, no grandparents' rituals to channel. I feel a bit of a fake. I wished for many years to have some other peers, via a synagogue, or other, to be connected to at least for the important celebrations, in order to make them more meaningful, more festive, more desirable for Sara to participate in, and more memorable for her to carry on the torch. But, with no Jewish friends near by, with parents far away, and no synagogue to connect to, i feel lost and isolated, almost ready to just forget it and give it all up. But that's not right. So, i don't know, i guess i will try to carry on, one holiday at a time.
8) my parents came to spend 3 weeks with us in December. With my mom's knee constantly hurting, they were no longer taking their daily walks around the reservoir, like they did back in March. They mostly just hung around the house, picking up and dropping off Sara to and from camp, and gymnastics. It made me feel sad to see these tangible sighs of their decline. My father admitted that the logistics of these trips is also starting to be too much to handle. Although, he is still skiing very well: we did a quick trip to Big Bear, as well as our 5 day Mammoth trip for New Year. Sara was able to ski from the very top, and this year with no leash! So, she is quite on her way to gaining skills, and i feel very proud. Mammoth trip was nice: we stayed in the same condo and Carlos and I did the year before, which had ample space for all of us. We went down to the village for the fireworks and had a feast back in the condo. I was happy to spend the time with them, although found it hard to deal with their noticeable decline in health and abilities. But, hey, in 3 more years my father can ski there for free, so lets concentrate on making it to that!
9) for Carlos' 40th we went to Colorado. It was a glorious trip, with full feeling of renewal. We flew in on Friday, and spent just one day of Saturday exploring the park, from early morning to darkness. We covered different areas, and even enjoyed a super fast hike to 3 beautiful lakes, running and rushing to make it before the sun sets. We got a ton of amazing pictures, some with bright yellow aspens and blue skies, some with expansive views and chipmunks in the foreground, some of quiet streams. On Sunday we went back to Denver and visited the art museum. We had some special supplements beforehand, which kicked up our imagination and made the art that much more enjoyable.
10) and that brings me to another glorious memory of the year: our trip to Portland Oregon, and Columbia River Gorge. We strolled though the city, although i didn't really find it very satisfying, aside from the Pioneer Square, of course, where we lingered for a bit with a cup of coffee. We partied the night away at the most enjoyable event i managed to look up. It was the most fun clubbing that i have had in years. I literally danced non stop for hours, and so is my dear Carlos. I was happy to be able to showcase to him a fun night without any of the pretenses, drama, or unsavory characters. And then the next morning we head out to drive towards Columbia River Gorge. It tingled my heart to see this beauty again, so touch the moss, to smell the air. It felt so special to hike all of the waterfalls with my love by my side. I only wished for more time. In the evening we drove toward Mt Adams, were we were able to take a glimpse of the mountain that brought me to Carlos, cutting it very close to sunset, we were chasing the light. We met Darlissa, a wonderful spirit. And then we headed to Hood River, finding delicious brews at the local brewery.
11) A summer time visit to Spain would deserve another story. We took so many pictures that we have not managed to look through all of them, even now, months later.
